Marriage without children...

[wild_turkey]

We're in our mid-20s with no desire to have kids. I admit that our feelings may one day change, but as of right now, there's a lot of things we want to experience with each other. Maybe if we get all that taken care of then we will start to consider kids, or maybe it will just happen without us planning for it. I guess we're just playing it by ear.

 

[Texanne]

We are childless by choice. I've never regretted it. Being a mother was never something I was interested in, and I have refused to let people make me feel guilty for it.

People have tried, though. One person onetime said, "Don't you feel obligated to have children? After all, your mother had you." By this way of thinking, then, if my mother had been an axe-murderer, then I would be obligated to be one, too.

Nosy Parkers have also asked, "Whose fault is it?" meaning, is my husband sterile or am I barren? I always answered, "Republican presidents!" You see, one of the things I strongly believe is that if you are going to procreate, then you had better be absolutely sure you can provide for 100 percent of that child's needs and about 50 percent of its wants. And during my premium child-bearing years, I was laid off of four jobs in five years because of downturns in the economy. I never felt certain that we would be able to provide for 100 percent of the needs.

But mostly, I never had children because, bottom line, I didn't want them.

 

[Thunderhoof]

For me the issue has been a little different.

I would like to have children. My wife wants nothing to do with it.

We're both 35 this year. I wonder sometimes how I'll feel in another 10 years. Hopefully I will have more inner peace about it then. I don't lose sleep over it, but there are little issues, some of which are really trite. For instance, I have this urge to pass on some of the lessons I have learned in life. I pass these on to kids who work for me now, but there has to be a different feeling about it with your own child. I wonder about the possessions I have that I am proud of. I'd like to pass them on to someone, too. It will have to be nieces and nephews, I guess.

I have always believed - really BELIEVED - in the sanctity of marriage. I made a promise to my wife, both of our families, and most importantly I made a covenant with God to love my wife and stay with her. I plan on continuing to do so. But there is a small part of my mind that tells me that though there are very few reasons why I could ever justify divorce for myself, this could be one of them.

Marriage is hard. Mine has been great in many ways, and really really hard work in others. This is one of the issues that has been really tough for us. Honestly, the fact that our relationship is so high maintenance is one thing that makes me feels alright about not having kids. I think we would be very vulnerable to becoming one of those couples who make fine parents and then divorce as soon as the kids are out of the house. My vow is more important to me than having kids, but it's a tough inner battle sometimes.

My wife is steadfast in not wanting children (and yes, she admits that a big reason for that is that she is selfish). We have a good marriage. It means more to me than having children. We live a good life and have a lot more choices than a lot of people I know who do have children. There are tradeoffs, to be certain.

 

[Bernard]

It's selfish to NOT have kids???? How about it's selfish TO have kids!!! It seems to me that most (not all) people have kids because they:

1. Are bored and need something do;
2. Are lonely and need to create another human to bond to;
3. Are too horny to consider the consequences of unprotected sex.
4. Suffer from co-dependency issues and see it as a panacea.
5. Are "just going along with the crowd" since everyone else seems to be doing it.

Now some poor kid has to struggle through his whole life just because some parents were looking to fill some void in their own lives.

My single and childless life is as challenging, as complex, as interesting, and as fulfilling as I want it to be. I have no desire to make things any different than they already are. If someone thinks that makes me selfish, so be it. But it's certainly a two way street. Those who choose to be parents are being just as selfish as those who remain childless. Best I can tell, we're all doing what we think will make us happiest.

Stop acting like martyrs, Mom and Dad. I don't know anyone who said, "I want to ruin my own life and sacrifice everything for the sake of my unborn child". You had kids because you wanted kids. That's selfish in my book.

Bernard

 

[TexasCrush]

In reply to:

---

---

 

[Mr.Wizard]

That was hilarious, of course he was not serious.

 

[babysdaddy]

wow milkman, that was brutal

 

[GuadaHorn]

ok, for the record, i was not being serious(i thought that was obvious!). i don't have any kids and don't plan to until im around 30 or so. also, there is a reference to a matt damon movie in there; the first person to find it gets a gold star, or beer.

 

[MilkmanDan]

It's Ben Affleck wishing he could quit Matt Damon (Matt Damon!) at the end of Good Will Hunting.

 

[GuadaHorn]

You Win!