Hi, My Name is LonghornLawyer

[PUT_SIMMS_IN]

WARNING!!!!
For those of you who are recovering addicts or trying to take steps toward recovery, you may want to ignore my post.





There is a way to get your fix that has been on the streets for years. Some forget about it because with the rise of the internet and college football packages on TV, it frankly has become the "whipits" of aggy misery. It's a little thing called Dave South of the Fightin' Texas Aggy Radio Network. I try to inhale as much of it as I can every weekend. It's so cool because as soon as it is in your system you laugh uncontrollably. It wears off quick but Dave is the cheapest dealer you can find and will always set you up with hit after hit.

Watch out though because every once in a while he'll hit you with some strong **** he made up in his basement, like he did to me a few years back when there was dead silence on the aggy radio network after Baylor beat aggy. I knew Dave was comin' but I was left in the dark and my withdrawls of aggy misery were painful. I was lost and my only cure was more Dave South. Then he hit me with the good ****... "touchdown bears." Oh, I thought I was overdosing but my brother came to my aid and drove a needle full of Texas post game victory interviews on The Longhorn Radio Network right into my heart.

 

[Hooked]

I'm sorry -- I just don't think you've hit your 'bottom' yet. From hearing your story, it's clear to me that you aren't willing to do whatever it takes to kick this habit. Don't worry, though -- we'll all be there for you when you fall again, and we won't judge you for your failure when you do. Stay strong, and keep coming back to Hornfans.com.

 

[swc.lives.on]

It's not your fault. It's a disease.

 

[tokamak]

I'm only a recreational user. I'll lay off for a whie, then indulge a few times in a month. Same pattern since high school.

My girlfriend doesn't approve at all. I did something stupid once while using a couple years ago, she still gets mad when the subject even comes up. Says something about her dad not approving. But I don't feel like I should have to give up something that I enjoy just for the sake of our relatioship. Am I being immature? What should I do?

 

[accuratehorn]

I have to admit I suffer from this affliction myself, but luckily I live in Austin, where unlike some places where it's a felony, it's only a misdemeanor, and they just basically give you a traffic ticket if you get caught, and no prosecutor would ever bother trying to get a jury to convict you in Travis County anyways. Can you imagine finding twelve Travis County residents not predisposed to enjoying aggy misery themselves?
Say, LL, being a lawyer and all, maybe you could run for public office on a platform of decrimilization, at least for medicinal uses of aggy misery. It's high time.

 

[HornsN04]

I have the addiction, as well. I like to point out texags threads to people at work, especially aggy co-workers. some of them act like nothing is wrong with the maroon kool-aid. it makes me laugh even harder.

 

[Macanudo]

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[burntorange4life]

The world has tried to make you ashamed of your "addiction" to AGGIE MISERY. You don't have a disease you have an affinity for a God given pleasure. After all, AGGIE MISERY is all natural. You don't need twelve steps, you need a place where you're welcome. A place where your voice can be heard and counted. Join the millions of TexasExes who have "made a difference" in the fight against AGGIE MISERY misunderstanding and persecution.
You need to join NORAML

National Organization to Reform Aggie Misery Laws

We're here...and we can help fight the ignorance that exists.

 

[Bevo71]

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[swc.lives.on]

Maybe you could run for governor.

 

[billythekid]

Wouldnt that create another aggy misery?

 

[DigglerontheHoof]

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[Lidig8r]

Counselor.. let he help you out a bit with your little problem...
The Link

Watch this little gem a bajillion straight times..... You addiction will be worse than ever!

 

[Spankytoes]

I was walking in to work this morning and passed by a guy laying on the pavement in the fetal position. He was wearing a National Championship t-shirt and mumbling "a&m sucks...definately, definately sucks."

I left a quarter and said a prayer. This addiction must be stopped.

George Bush doesn't care about orange people.

 

[SpiderAg]

Funniest thang I ever done read. Ever.

 

[Jive_Turkey]

I just read it again. It's even funnier today.

 

[garfield]

"Hello, my name is garfield, and I am an aggy misery addict".

"Hello Garfield" speak several thousand in unison.

"Although I graduated from UT in 1976, I didn't get my first high off of aggy misery until 1981, when I bought my first house in Houston. A next door neighbor was aggy. He was fat, he was obnoxious, he was uneducated, he was a blowhard, he spewed aggy with every smell, sound and vision. I chuckled. It gave me a warm feeling inside, understanding this poor **** had no clue whatsover. I grinned a lot. I never realized this was the beginning of many years of aggy misery addiction for me.

Over the years, my aggy misery addiction has continued to grow. I spend many hours on BB's like this one getting high on aggy misery. It has significantly taken away hours in the day from my ability to earn an income for my family. My marriage is in trouble. My friends, who don't understand the addiction, are leaving me for friends who are a little bit more normal than I.

After reading many of these posts I realize I am not the worst of aggy misery addicts (yea, verily, I actually received an e mail from a mod on this board several years ago which questioned my ability to post about anything other than aggy incompetence).

If you live in Katy, please e mail me so that we can begin the recovery process together. We should have weekly meetings amongst us so that we might have a better chance to go back to a normal productive life someday, to pick up the shattered pieces of our lives.

garfield-anon.

 

[LonghornLawyer]

I need a sponsor with whom I can talk. I just don't think I can get through this alone. Just last night--the day I had resolved to kick this addiction once and for all --I was approached by my dealer.

He approached me stealthily on the back alley of the Internet and told me he had some good stuff for me. I told him "no, I'm done with that," but he kept pushing. He called it his "Wednesday Weekly," but I knew what it really was--pure and uncut aggy misery.

I started to get the shakes as he showed me just a bit of the product:

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[garfield]

LonghornLawyer, you are out of luck. No one on this board can sponsor you. A sponsor has to be free from an aggy misery "high" for at least a year. As a matter of fact, as long as Fran is the head coach, you will not find a sponsor anywhere.

You are screwed, man. Hang in there with the rest of us.

 

[orangebones]

I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!!

 

[Hayden_Horn]

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[FirstTier]

See, we're not alone... it's just a social thing. I told myself I wouldn't today but **** it, it's Thursday.
The Link

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[bravobevo]

No greater joy that beating o.u. and no bigger pain than losing to aggy.

 

[hollisdude]

LL, et al - take heart and prayer as there are only 48 hours approximately till the aggy v OState game. That will be akin to a major rush I assure you.

 

[HousHorn09]

Props LL, I believe you've found you're help group. I've been heavily addicted since the '90 win (my Frosh year) when we finally put 6 nasty years of losing to aggy behind us. I was the 2nd person to rush the field at aggy in '95 (I was also on the sideline 30' away from the Westbrook/McLeroy collision)

I must confess that I've never sought treatment to help me with my affliction and to be quite honest, I wear it with pride. Aggy Misery is the finest fix in the land for a true Orangeblood and I love screaming out POOOOOR AGGGGY!!! after a long hard season wrapped up with another win over the pathetic toy soldiers/farmers outta Collie Station.

Classic post, tis King of subjects for the '06 posting season and lastly BEAT THE HELL OUTTA AGGY!!!

 

[centexorange]

Hopefully the bear pimps will come through for you this weekend...

 

[TaylorTRoom]

Man, I've got the same problem. To get me through the dry stretches, I rely on historical Ag misery. Like this-

The last time TAMU finished a season in the AP Top 5 was 1956 (Bear Bryant was the coach, and probation kepth them out of the Cotton Bowl). That was 50 years ago. Since then, 44 different D-1A teams have finished a season in the Top 5, but not TAMU. Army has, Navy has, Boston College has, even freaking Indiana has, but not TAMU. There are 118 D-1A teams, about 68 of which are in BCS conferences. About 2/3 of BCS teams have finished in the AP top 5, but not the Ags. If Louisville finishes top 5 this year, make it 46.

Some here have uncharitably compared the Ags to Auburn or Michigan State. Not true. Both of those programs have finished in the top 5 multiple times in the last 50 years. TAMU's best comparison is to Mississippi State- wears maroon, plays in front of 75,000 in some backwater town, and never finishes in the top 5.

Reflect on that until the next "fix".

 

[Mitch Cumsteen]

LL,
I don't get you, man. You just walked into a bar full of drunks during happy hour and asked everybody to stop buying you drinks. Your problem isn't your addiction. Your problem is that you don't want to quit. This is no place to come for help. Everybody here is an enabler.

And you know what? I don't want to quit either. Look, I spend as much time on TexAgs as the next guy. Hell, I still go to AgTimes in search of the occasional ToAg high. I've even thought about joining their premium board. But I still lead a happy, albeit less productive, life.

Sure the Mizzou game was disappointing, but the one thing you have to realize about Aggy misery is that the lower the lows are, the higher the highs get. You don't think that them being 6-1 puffing out their chest over being ****** and overrated Missouri isn't a recipe for a free-fall this week on the road against awful Okie State? And if it's not this week, it will be next week against Baylor or the week after that.

One thing you have to remember is that the supply of Aggy misery far exceeds the demand. Just when you think that Aggy can't humiliate himself any more, he amazingly manages to lower the bar. From jizz jars to Tate Pittman to dead dog scoreboards to the Ask RC website to Bill Byrne weekly Wednesday to 77-0 to squeezing on national TV to Iowa State to no bowl game to whatever.

To paraphrase former gubernatorial candidate and all around good Ag Clayton Williams, "Aggy misery is like rape. It's inevitable so you might as well sit back and enjoy it."

 

[The Peoples Elbow]

i can quit any time i want

its so cold

 

[BigWill]

I hate to do this to someone trying to kick the habit, but have a little taste of this
The Link