Random Thoughts

[LonghornCatholic]

I think I’ll go with cremation when my time on this side is up. But I don’t feel right leaving my ashes to family, children. Why put that burden on them? And what becomes of my ashes when they die? Wifey and I will probably pick out a columbarium at one of the beautiful churches we attend.

 

[Dionysus]

Mrs and I decided on cremation some years ago. Unless one of the kids wants the ashes there will be none on offer. I can’t imagine any of them wanting them. Keeping a person’s remains is an odd practice imo, but I guess it is comforting to some.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Speaking as a guy who operates a crematory I will say I used to want to be cremated, but I have since reverted to preferring traditional burial.

 

[nashhorn]

Sounds like an interesting story Sangre.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

Interesting. Worse than embalming?

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Interesting. Worse than embalming?

In some ways, absolutely. This is my personal opinion.

 

[utahorn]

Speaking as a guy who operates a crematory I will say I used to want to be cremated, but I have since reverted to preferring traditional burial.

SN, could you elaborate? My wife and I are looking at cremation. What is the downside? Just curious.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

It is impossible to retrieve 100% of the remains after cremation. Your family will get, in my estimation, 97-98% you, and 2-3% bits of people who were cremated before you.

And bits of you will end up in subsequent sets of ashes. My estimation has not been scientifically measured, and if I am off, I am making it a little worse than the typical reality.


Most crematory operators do the best they can with the tools and processes available to them. But it is never a perfect process, nor will it ever be. And if you ever wind up with the occasional unscrupulous operator it can be awful. I'll link what is by far the most egregious case I am aware of.

Criminally unscrupulous

 

[utahorn]

From the link provided by SN - Families of the deceased were given concrete dust instead of cremated remains.

Wow. Thank you SN for the info. Still will probably go cremation but after reading the article, I feel better armed to ask questions.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

Embalming just seems too painful.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

In three years of working here, not one person has complained nor even said one word while we were embalming them. Trust me, I would have remembered it if they had.

 

[Dionysus]

In three years of working here, not one person has complained nor even said one word while we were embalming them. Trust me, I would have remembered it if they had.

Some of them would leave a bad review on the internet too if they weren’t satisfied.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

Is cremation cheaper than traditional burial?

 

[Pickle_Nuts]

Is cremation cheaper than traditional burial?

There is an emotional price, if your loved ones did not share how they wanted to be laid to rest, you end up with ashes at home you are unsure what to do with.

Currently, the family is in possession of three loved ones.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Is cremation cheaper than traditional burial?

Yes.

However, there are many permutations and service options that can drive the price of cremation up to being very close to the simplest burial options.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

There is an emotional price, if your loved ones did not share how they wanted to be laid to rest, you end up with ashes at home you are unsure what to do with.

Currently, the family is in possession of three loved ones.

I know a woman whose husband committed suicide and she refused to accept the ashes. But this was a situation whereby they were separated, so I guess she wasn’t the decision maker after his death. Terrible circumstances….guy was a cop who got caught looking at nude photos while working off duty security at Walmart. Lost his police officer job. Shot himself in parking lot of a church.

 

[mchammer]

I know a woman whose husband committed suicide and she refused to accept the ashes. But this was a situation whereby they were separated, so I guess she wasn’t the decision maker after his death. Terrible circumstances….guy was a cop who got caught looking at nude photos while working off duty security at Walmart. Lost his police officer job. Shot himself in parking lot of a church.

That seems like an overreaction on all parties involved.

 

[Dionysus]

I know a woman whose husband committed suicide and she refused to accept the ashes.

Was someone pressuring her to accept them? If so that is weird.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Was someone pressuring her to accept them? If so that is weird.

I doubt it, but I have no way to know for sure. Funeral homes in Texas are obligated to hold the ashes for two years, after which they may dispose of them in one of several prescribed manners. Our funeral home holds them in perpetuity, because the boss doesn't care what the letter of the law says. He cares about not being dragged to court 10 years later, even if we were following the letter of the law.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

Was someone pressuring her to accept them? If so that is weird.

The woman is sister to my sister-in-law….I just remember her telling my SIL, “I told them I wasn’t taking the ashes. I don’t want them!” So they were at least offered, but maybe not pressured.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

I doubt it, but I have no way to know for sure. Funeral homes in Texas are obligated to hold the ashes for two years, after which they may dispose of them in one of several prescribed manners. Our funeral home holds them in perpetuity, because the boss doesn't care what the letter of the law says. He cares about not being dragged to court 10 years later, even if we were following the letter of the law.

Can you share what some of those prescribed manners are for abandoned ashes?

 

[mchammer]

Can you share what some of those prescribed manners are for abandoned ashes?

Place ash container in the coffee area.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Can you share what some of those prescribed manners are for abandoned ashes?

We could maintain our own scattering garden, but our funeral home doesn't own a cemetery. We could contract with a cemetery to use their scattering garden. We could release them in a public waterway (I think). I know it is legal in Texas for individuals to scatter ashes in a river or stream, so I am assuming we could do that too. We could bury them in a cemetery, but we would incur a ridiculous amount of expense to do that.

All in all, we have enough closet space to store boxes of cremains for a really, really long time.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

If any of you have a wife half as sweet as mine, you’re a very lucky guy. I don’t know what I did to deserve such a beautiful kindhearted woman. Always loving and supportive. Always

 

[Vino Bevo]

Same here LC - I thank the Big Guy each day for looking past my inadequacies and blessing me with such a remarkable spouse. Glad to know yours fits the same mold!

 

[mchammer]

Same here LC - I thank the Big Guy each day for looking past my inadequacies and blessing me with such a remarkable spouse. Glad to know yours fits the same mold!

Yes, but how long did it take to train her (or maybe vice versa)?

 

[Vino Bevo]

The fact I don't know the answer to that probably indicates the direction in which the training has been directed over the past 30 years...

 

[Driver 8]

It occurred to me today while I was standing in line at the bank that I probably have never wiped my butt with my left hand
Maybe I have at some point, like if my right arm/hand were injured, but I can't recall such an occasion
Then I wondered if I should go ahead and do it maybe just once but I can't think of a reason for that either

 

[BevoJoe]

When I shuffle off this mortal coil, I am to be cremated and a portion of my ashes scattered in three places. Some in Egypt near Khufu's Great Pyramid, some in Germany in Berlin, and a small bit in Norway to satisfy my Nordic Blood. The rest of my ashes she can keep, or all of them can be scattered as requested above.

 

[LonghornCatholic]

They should outlaw yoga pants size large and above.