Mitch Cumsteen
250+ Posts
THE VIP CONNECTION
October 3, 2007 2:19pm
Subject: Oklahoma State
Howdy. Coach Fran and Les have been ensconced in the offensive war room every day, at length, and have watched every Oklahoma State game on video. They also rented Beaches and Terms of Endearment. Coach Fran polished off an entire carton of Swiss cake rolls and six star crunches during their viewing of game tapes, leaving nothing to eat for the double feature. They sent me out for reinforcements and I was able to score some Nutty Bars and return before the climactic end of Beaches. That Barbara Hershey is something else! Hubba, hubba.
Obviously, highly highly confidential, because we're not even going to inform our radio announcers before kickoff (not that they are competent enough to report something as simple as injury): each one of the starters in our defensive backfield is either out for the game or is nursing some kind of injury. I already bet the over, you should too!
Here's a couple of hints at the approach to the game plan on both sides of the ball:
On offense Coach Fran plans to use Stephen McGee as a battering ram to soften up the Cowboys underbelly. We have an ongoing bet to see how many hits McGee can take before either quitting the team or getting killed. So far, we haven’t been able to break him. To be safe, Lane and Goodson will only be used only as decoys. Once we’ve established that we can’t run up the middle, expect to see a lot of incomplete and wildly inaccurate passes to our slow wide receivers, mostly on 3 yard out patterns. Then punt.
On defense, Coach Darnell has put together another great game plan. Expect us to run our patented high school zone defense that has been talked about so much.
If you read or heard about the incident at Matrellus Bennett's house, where a guy crashed a party and threatened a couple of our players with a steak knife – it’s not true. He just called him a dick. People exaggerate so much at this school. Still, they handled the situation with aplomb, turning the guy over to the corps, who stripped him of all his clothes and duct taped him to one of the goalposts at Kyle Field.
I asked Fran about practices. They are closed. But he invites you to attend if you are in town on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. If you are batshit crazy enough to spend $1200 a year on this piece of crap, you can pretty much come to anything you want to. Hell, I’ll even let you sneak into the press box and call a couple of plays.
Be of good cheer,
Mike “Smithers” McKenzie
PS
Please don’t tell Bill Byrne or the media about this newsletter. Pretty, pretty, please.
October 3, 2007 2:19pm
Subject: Oklahoma State
Howdy. Coach Fran and Les have been ensconced in the offensive war room every day, at length, and have watched every Oklahoma State game on video. They also rented Beaches and Terms of Endearment. Coach Fran polished off an entire carton of Swiss cake rolls and six star crunches during their viewing of game tapes, leaving nothing to eat for the double feature. They sent me out for reinforcements and I was able to score some Nutty Bars and return before the climactic end of Beaches. That Barbara Hershey is something else! Hubba, hubba.
Obviously, highly highly confidential, because we're not even going to inform our radio announcers before kickoff (not that they are competent enough to report something as simple as injury): each one of the starters in our defensive backfield is either out for the game or is nursing some kind of injury. I already bet the over, you should too!
Here's a couple of hints at the approach to the game plan on both sides of the ball:
On offense Coach Fran plans to use Stephen McGee as a battering ram to soften up the Cowboys underbelly. We have an ongoing bet to see how many hits McGee can take before either quitting the team or getting killed. So far, we haven’t been able to break him. To be safe, Lane and Goodson will only be used only as decoys. Once we’ve established that we can’t run up the middle, expect to see a lot of incomplete and wildly inaccurate passes to our slow wide receivers, mostly on 3 yard out patterns. Then punt.
On defense, Coach Darnell has put together another great game plan. Expect us to run our patented high school zone defense that has been talked about so much.
If you read or heard about the incident at Matrellus Bennett's house, where a guy crashed a party and threatened a couple of our players with a steak knife – it’s not true. He just called him a dick. People exaggerate so much at this school. Still, they handled the situation with aplomb, turning the guy over to the corps, who stripped him of all his clothes and duct taped him to one of the goalposts at Kyle Field.
I asked Fran about practices. They are closed. But he invites you to attend if you are in town on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. If you are batshit crazy enough to spend $1200 a year on this piece of crap, you can pretty much come to anything you want to. Hell, I’ll even let you sneak into the press box and call a couple of plays.
Be of good cheer,
Mike “Smithers” McKenzie
PS
Please don’t tell Bill Byrne or the media about this newsletter. Pretty, pretty, please.
