Accordion Jokes

[Bevo1970]

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Jim Bob
(1000+ posts)
03/11/14 12:40 PM
Accordion Jokes

Did you hear about the accordionist who parked his car in a tough neighborhood? He left the instrument in the back seat concealed under some newspapers. When he returned, his heart sank at the sight of a smashed rear window. Sure enough, his worst fears had been realized. Some fiend had left him another accordion.

How do you define perfect pitch? Throwing an accordion into a dumpster without hitting the sides.

Dionysus
(5000+ posts)
03/11/14 09:42 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

Jim Bob, I’ve been thinking about it and this one is just hard.

huisache
(2500+ posts)
03/17/14 01:35 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

God will someday forgive the Germans for the holocaust but He will never forgive them for introducing the accordiaon into Mexico

Statalyzer
(25,000+ posts)
03/20/14 01:00 AM
Re: Accordion Jokes

But will we ever forgive them for bombing Pearl Harbor?

Jim Bob
(1000+ posts)
03/22/14 01:23 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

An old accordion joke, but probably the best one:

A gentleman is a man who knows how to play the accordion.....but doesn't.

Jim Bob
(1000+ posts)
03/22/14 01:29 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

Out of fairness, here's the great Joel Guzman on accordion, accompanying Joe Ely on a Billy Joe Shaver gem.
The Link

I've heard that live many times, and it always gets me.

Dionysus
(5000+ posts)
03/25/14 04:29 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

The Eyes of Texas
(1000+ posts)
03/27/14 02:49 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

"Going to war without the French is like going hunting without an accordion"---General Norman Schwartzkopf

OldHippie
(2500+ posts)
03/28/14 04:25 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

If you experience severe chest pains while playing the accordion, stop immediately and put on a shirt.

FridayNiteLites
(1000+ posts)
02/11/15 01:17 PM
Re: Accordion Jokes

Welcome to heaven, here is your harp. Welcome to hell, here is your accordion.

 

[Statalyzer]

"Going to war without the French is like going hunting without an accordion"---General Norman Schwartzkopf

Did he really say that? If so, that's quite awesome.

 

[NJlonghorn]

Did he really say that? If so, that's quite awesome.

The quip was mentioned in his obituary on MSNBC.

 

[Crockett]

What do you call 5,000 accordions at the bottom of the ocean?

A pretty good start.

 

[Chop]

Now if only there was a band featuring both an accordion and bagpipes...

The CIA could play it at loud volumes during their "enhanced interrogation" sessions.

 

[Chop]

Meanwhile, somewhere around San Antonio, Flaco says F U, F Me, F all of U.




In addition to being a Texas legend, he's also hilarious in the lyrics he writes. It's hard to fathom a Texan not at least appreciating this guy--even if they normally hate accordians.


1st Song (English translation):

"It's about 400 km to the town where Zenaida lives.
I'm gonna look for her and see if she'll keep her word.
When I got to the depot I told my wife, 'Don't wait for me.
I'm going far away and I'm not coming back.
Cause I'm marrying someone else.'

I hurried to San Antonio looking for my beloved Zenaida.
Someone told me, 'She got married and is on her honeymoon.
And she's supposed to be back tomorrow.'
Enraged, I went looking for a bar to forget that cheap two-timer.
Then I went back to my hometown to ask for my wife's forgiveness.

I was shocked when all I found was a letter on the table.
'Don't wait for me,' were her words, 'I've gone away with Ramiro.'

I hear a train in the distance and it's breaking my heart.
I've lost my beloved Zenaida and my old lady left me hanging."
[Flaco cracks a big smile and finishes with an accordian solo]



2nd song (English translation):

"From Laredo to San Antonio, I've come to marry Chencha.
But I can't, because I'm a wetback.
And everybody keeps asking for my driver's license.

It was easy to buy a car and take my love for a ride.
But that night I wound up in the can.
Because I didn't have lights--or a driver's license.

I finally got out of the clink,
And was looking forward to seeing my Chencha.
But I found her with a Gringo.
The big boss who gives out driver's licenses. [Dancers on the dance floor laugh]

I'm going back to Laredo.
I've suffered enough shame.
Those Gringos sure are sneaky.
I lost my car, and they took away my Chencha."
[Flaco gives a laugh and finishes with an accordian solo]


"

 

[earl77]

Chop, I'm a gabacho down here in south Texas and i absolutely love Flaco Jimenez and norteno music! ikely my german heritage. Was fortunate to hear him in a local dive one night many years ago playing with Johnny Rodriguez. It was December and he finished the evening with a medley of Christmas carols played flawlessly.

 

[Chop]

Chop, I'm a gavacho down here in south Texas and i absolutely love Flaco Jimenez and norteno music! Likely my german heritage. Was fortunate to hear him in a local dive one night many years ago playing with Johnny Rodriguez. It was December and he finished the evening with a medley of Christmas carols played flawlessly.

Awesome!

I was first alerted to his musical greatness when he teamed up with Doug Sahm, Augie, and Freddy Fender for the Texas Tornados. He also played accordion for some Dwight Yoakam songs. His lyrics crack me up. Even if you don't like that strange squeezey box instrument known as the accordion, if you don't at least give some credit to Flaco, I figure either: (i) you ain't no Texan, or (ii) you have no soul.

 

[Sangre Naranjada]

Doug Sahm, Augie, and Freddy Fender for the Texas Tornados.

Winner!!!

My favorite is "The Girls from Texas" with Ry Cooder.

 

[huisache]

Zimmaerle and the Trio San Antonio also perfect